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DEAR FUTURE, PAST AND PRESENT

January 2, 2020

When the new year rolls around, there's this stress that rolls in with it. This reminder that you don't have your life together like you'd like, this reminder that you probably didn't achieve all of last years goals, a reminder that everyone is doing so much better than you. 

 

I remember what that feels like. I remember that no matter how I approached it, the new year always brought on this unnecessary stress and negativity. No matter how hard I worked the year before, no matter how much I accomplished, I still felt the weight of not being good enough. 

 

I can't honestly say where the turning point was for me. Maybe it was all the loss and trauma that put everything in perspective for me. Maybe it was the meditating and working on healing my childhood traumas. Maybe it was learning to be kinder to myself. Maybe it was learning that these expectations and boxes people try to force us in are optional and we can live a life outside them, guilt-free and just more free all around. Maybe it was the practice and learning to be more present to the moment. Maybe it was the realization that a lot the social pressures I feel, I put on myself by caring what others might think of me. Maybe it was realizing I owe so much to myself, because I've given so much of myself away for so long. 

 

In an honest account of it all, it was most likely all of the above. Last year, I hoped the pain and loss was over with for a long time, but it wasn't and to my surprise I rose again, less beat down than before, less weak than the last time. My recovery time was quicker because I had picked up these important tools and lessons along the way. Sometimes it takes the stripping away of everything to realize you alone are enough, no matter what day, what is going on in your life or around you, no matter how much you weigh, how fit you are or smart you are, or how you've failed or fucked up. You at the end of the day are and will always be enough. 

 

When you strip life bare to the bones, you find yourself, there all along, holding it all together. You all along have been the sole structure and vehicle for which your life carries on. 

 

So this year, I invite you to abandon the notion that you need anything or anyone to be complete or happy. Abandon the notion that happiness and life happens at a certain weight or appearance or income or relationship status or structure. Abandon all of it, and bring yourself back to the core, the center of your being. Find peace in all that you are with bright eyes for all you still have yet to become.

 

Wether you embark on a weight loss journey or a fitness or personal life goal, no matter where that journey takes you, no matter what ups and downs you face, you are enough and always will be. 

 

Happy New Year

 

Dani

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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